Myth #6
How we listen is hardwired; I was born to listen this way
Humans are born with the neural architecture for processing sound - auditory cortex, mirror neurons, etc. The human ear begins to form around 8 weeks of gestation, and by 24 weeks the fetus begins to distinguish between the mother’s voice and other sounds outside her body. After birth, and into early childhood, hearing is our primary way of learning. It’s like we’re born with an innate ability to listen.
Even so, how we listen, how we think about listening, and the importance we place on it are all learned behaviors.
Culture teaches us listening before anything else. Perhaps the most popular version of the argument for cultural specificity of listening is found in undergraduate textbook where you will likely find this Chinese character for listening:
Compare this to what you’ll find in Webster’s: intransitive verb meaning “to pay attention to sound.” Although we find attention in both definitions, Chinese culture’s approach seems more holistic than America’s.
We also learn to “listen well” from parents, guardians, peers, teachers and other mentors, as well as the movies and television shows we consume. As we age, our workplace becomes an important factor as we become competent listeners.
While we may be born with a capacity to listen, we aren’t born as the kind of listener we become. The good news is that if you don’t like the way you’ve learned to listen, you can learn new ways. You can learn how to shift your listening to meet the needs of the different people you meet and conversations you have. Much like writing, speaking, and other communication skills, listening is a goal-directed activity.